silent tears
by Zanjam
Summary: Hiccup has been bullied his whole life when one day it is pushed too far. it turns out i suck at summarys so just read and find out yourself a sad little fic on bullying better summary inside rated t to be safe p.s no flames please if you don't like it don't read it.


Hey guys it's me Zanjam. I have now written a few fanfics some I deleted out of not caring enough to carry on with them and some where just appalling I mean seriously anyway recently I have been reading allot and I decided I am gonna do three things 1) write another hurt/comfort fic 2)continue more regularly on the two ongoing projects I have and 3) tidy up some of the stuff I wrote (particularly the soul eater fanfic it was horrendous (he he get it cause Hiccup Horrendous haddock httyd...not funny never mind) seriously really bad) well without further ado here is the... summary of the story (gotcha)

**Read if you wish to understand**

Summary: it is a story that is just after the first movie except things are a little different  
First Astrid and Hiccup never had the heart to heart but hiccup decided to stay and they fought the red death and lost a foot Hiccup still doesn't know Astrid likes him and even though he taught them how to ride dragons Hiccup is still bullied but in this fic his bullying was allot worse than in the movie however Fishlegs is a kinda sorta friend they don't talk but have a mutual respect as Fishlegs is bullied when they can't find Hiccup (so not as badly) Ooo can't you just tell its gonna be a sad one P.S. I disclaim any and all rights to httyd or the characters

Hiccup was lying alone in his bedroom just him and his own devices. He couldn't go to sleep because they had even gotten into his head, invaded his dreams turning them black and dripped in fear showing him the things he was ultimately destined to experience the following day. Pain, fear, sadness it was his never ending circle of torture that others called _life_. But they don't know no one knows his pain, no one cares either it was like he was constantly being punished for being... around, alive maybe, it didn't matter because in his head Hiccup believed that he deserved it they had broken him allot more than he let out so much so that he truly believed that because he was clumsy and a _sad excuse for a Viking _that he actually deserved this torturous hell that he called _life. _He couldn't even confide in his farther Stoic the Vast. Granted after he almost died his father took more of an interest in him, probably because he realised that his sons life was precious, but still Hiccup would still see that sting of disappointment in eyes every so often after all he still couldn't be the _strong burly Viking _his father wanted. He was _useless, pointless.  
Breathing.  
_Despite all this grief in his life he still carried on, for there was but one beacon of light in the shadow of his broken mind, the one thing that kept him going through all his sadness and strife that light was named Astrid and she was the love of Hiccups life. She was Beautiful, the way her golden hair cascaded down past her shoulders when it wasn't in that expertly crafted braid. That braid was practically the symbol of what Astrid was, perfectly crafted, strong and elegant all at the same time. However there wasn't a shadow of a doubt in hiccups mind that he didn't stand a chance with someone like her. Everyone loved Astrid she was Perfect. Everything he wished he could be... but wasn't. Why would she even think about him he was _nothing, worthless, pathetic _even if she ever noticed him it's because she pitied him. He didn't disserve her pity he was after all _below her, below everyone _and Snotlout made sure he knew it. Every...single...day.

That small bedroom on the second floor of his house gave hiccup a perfect view of the sunrise. The same sunrise that signalled a new day that promised new exciting challenges for everyone, except Hiccup he knew exactly what a new day brings, the same as the last. It was all so _pointless_ to him but he went through with it anyway because it's all he knows pain for as long as he can remember he was different he was always _different, scrawny, weak_ he lived without a mother his entire life and he lived most of his life with his father's disapproval, he didn't know what any form of love was like. Except for his love for Astrid and his best friend Toothless .However it didn't help his bullying that his best friend was a dragon granted when he was around Toothless protected him but his father often borrowed toothless and afterwards toothless would be too tired to help and would just go to bed.

"Hiccup" came a booming voice from the room below. Hiccup groaned, sat up and slowly began to trudge down the creaking oak staircase to be greeted by his father "ah there you are I am going on a trip to make peace with a neighbouring tribe, I will be needing toothless"

"Wait what" came a tiny opposing voice from hiccup "but I... we" Stoic's gaze hardened as he listened to Hiccups fruitless protests that were ultimately _pointless_ "ok" he finally said worriedly glancing around the room now well lit by the beaming sun, yet another reminder that he would have to leave the safety of his own house soon to see Gobber in the forge which he didn't mind as Gobber was another line of defence against Snotlout's constant harassments

"Oh I almost forgot" said stoic nonchalantly "I'm taking Gobber with me you have the forge to yourself" there it was. The stage was set.

Hours later Hiccup sat at the docks looking out at the ships that were already out of view. He was done for no way could he make it a week on his own with no defence against the constant onslaught that was Snotlout. He was only Hiccup he was _useless_ and he had to escape so he ran straight to his forge.

Hiccup didn't have a lot to do when he was in his forge he simply sat in the corner stoking the glowing red fire for no reason. Every so often someone would come along looking for a spoon replacement or some such nonsense. Hiccup knew it was only a matter of time before he was found all he could do was hide and pray he wouldn't be discovered. It's funny how Snotlout has become Hiccups worst nightmare just as the Night Fury was the Vikings worst nightmare.

"Hey there Fishbone I need a new mace preferably blunt it leaves less of a footprint that way wouldn't you agree" there it was. The nightmare Hiccup lived everyday playing itself out one again it was happening just like always and the same as always no one even saw what was happening. Hiccup glanced up to see two boys much larger than himself stood there one large beefy with black hair and an evil grin on his face, the other smaller with long dirty blonde hair obviously the lackey. "Say I saw one round the back of the shop, help me get it would you?" he said smirk still plastered across his face. The larger boy, referred to as Snotlout then proceeded to grab Hiccup and drag him round the back of his forge.

It began with Hiccup being thrown into the wall and being knocked over "gee Tuff would you kick a man when he is down? ... I would" Snotlout chuckled to himself at this joke and then went on to kick Hiccup in the ribs multiple times this drew all the breath from Hiccup's lungs. Whilst Hiccup was still trying to get his breath back Snotlout grabbed him again and pinned him to a the wall "you are a _worthless piece of garbage_ do you hear, ha I'm surprised you don't have scars all over your wrists already must want me to beat you more" this insult was followed by a string of punches to the gut. Hiccup began coughing uncontrollably however this was punished with a swift knee from Snotlout just below the ribcage "teach you to cough on me" yelled Snotlout who then spit on Hiccup and continued to kick him. The brutal scene lasted about ten minutes when finally Snotlout picked him up and pushed him out towards the street "see that bucket" Snotlout said pointing at a small overturned wooden bucket on the corner of the street "I left something in it fetch _doggy_"

"Why don't you just go-"

"Did you just answer back...? DID YOU JUST ANSWER BACK?" Snotlout then made himself look as intimidating as possible "Listen _Useless_ you do as **I** say, now go" Hiccup rushed out onto the street to avoid Snotlout's boot and walked over to the bucket trying to seem invisible. Looking under the bucket Hiccup found a piece of baby blue linen and began walking back to Snotlout inspecting it before realising his **fatal mistake** he was holding women's underwear and then the Worst thing possible happened Snotlout yelled "OH MY GODS HICCUP IS A PANTY THEITH LOOK EVERYONE" following this statement hiccup was surrounded by what seemed the entire village mumbling to each other looking at hiccup and the undergarments he was holding and even though he tried desperately to defend himself the village would have none of it. Then the very worst thing happened Astrid walked over to see what all the commotion was about pushing her way through masses of people to find in the centre Hiccup holding a pair of her underwear and to make matters worse it was unwashed. She rushed over and kicked hiccup in the knee cap which dropped him, and Hiccup being the world's unluckiest Viking tripped over in a way that the underwear landed on his face. Astrid now blushing a deep shade of red began to kick Hiccup in the ribs and stamp on his stomach unaware of the bruises he had previously maintained

"that's for stealing my underwear" she said kicking him hard in the ribs and grabbing said garment "and that's for everything else" she said jumping with both feet onto his stomach there was a crowd around the incapacitated Hiccup for a while until it finally dispersed after realising nothing else interesting was going to happen. Hiccup laid there for a while they had done it, they broke him. It was like they were in his head and saw his last hope in a blackened mind and extinguished it. There was no hope anymore there was never any hope but hiccup only now realised it. Why did he even bother there was nothing left for him in this world and he knew he wouldn't be joining Thor in the heavens everything was taken from him. Ripped out of him ruthlessly but Hiccup didn't deserve hope anyway so it came as no shock to him when it was removed by the same person who had started it. Astrid.

After being beaten and humiliated Hiccup had gone home and proceeded to crawl into a dark corner with only the light of the dying fire over by the stove for warmth he then began to cry for a while whilst thinking about all his mistakes. One kept ringing through the same two words in his head kept telling him where he went wrong... _"being born" _ After about two hours of silent tears Hiccup got up pulled out his father's knife placed it on the table and sat opposite staring it down.

OoOoOoOoO

The following morning Astrid had decided to go to Hiccup's house to apologise she realised later that it had been a harmless prank pulled by Snotlout and wanted to say sorry for over reacting. 'Tap Tap Tap' Astrid began knocking on the door. This went on for at least five minutes Astrid was now slightly annoyed at Hiccup for being too lazy to answer the door "Hiccup?" she yelled "I'm coming in" she slowly opened the door and scanned the room. She was horrified at the sight she was met with. Hiccup lying face down on the table a small pool of blood formed around his right wrist. It was all she could do not to burst into tears, she was horrified at the sight it was extremely distressing. Before she had even thought about it she had lugged Hiccup onto Stormfly and rushed him to Gothi.

Upon her arrival Astrid was greeted with the news that Hiccup was alive but weak both mentally and physically and that Gothi can only fix his physical wounds. She then left Astrid to her own devices. It made no sense to her why would Hiccup need to do this. She had always liked him he was stronger than them not physically but his determination was unmatched and because of him a war was over. But still he did this to himself. Astrid knew that he was sometimes the subject to a little teasing from the others but she never thought anything of it. Then it came to her oh gods was it her fault did her unbridled emotions drive her actions too much and push him past the edge. Gothi exited the room then gestured towards the door as if to say go in. Astrid followed the instructions.

There was silence between them Astrid and Hiccup neither of them knew what to say. The sat there in the awkwardness for a long time before Astrid finally said "so you seceded to... um yeah" Hiccup nodded avoiding eye contact Astrid looked up "why?" Hiccup turned away but Astrid was insistent on knowing "Hiccup answer me, why?"

"I just I don't know" came his reply

"That's not an answer"

"I... thought you hated me" he said timidly

"Hiccup I know I overreacted but why would you do this just cause you think someone hates you"

"because you were the one person I thought didn't hate me" Hiccups tone began to darken

"What do you mean?"

"Are you blind Astrid" Hiccup began, yelling, "I have been bullied my whole life I have bruises all over my body look at me" she hadn't noticed it before but his torso was littered with bruises

"Did Me..."

"NO it was Snotlout, it was always Snotlout ever since we were kids and it has only gotten worse since I defeated the red death, it's been horrible I couldn't talk to anyone and they just kept going and going I just couldn't stand it I didn't want to have to face them again"

"Oh Hiccup I'm so sorry I should have seen it"

"It was you, you know"

"What?"

"You kept me going just a hopeless fantasy that was driven by my wanting to be with you" Hiccup was now looking at the ceiling

"Hiccup look at me" Hiccup turned his gaze to be suddenly met be Astrid's smashing against his in a frenzy of pleasure "I truly am sorry, but from now on your not alone we can beat them" and there it was the person that blew out his last flicker of hope had reignited his desire and passion. He wasn't cured but it was a start of a long journey and it is said the first step is the longest and most difficult stride.

Wow that was possibly the longest and most detailed chapter/ story I have ever written and I am definitely proud of it anyway I hope you liked it please r &amp; r it s much appreciated I would consider making this a story if enough of you wish it so probably if I get 1000+ views it would go into how Hiccup gets cured of his depression I can relate to this story a little bit because there was a little bullying problem at my school directed towards me &amp; my best friend (not as bad as this of course) but if any of you guys were bullied and need to get it off your chest I will always listen to anyone upset and plus where is the harm in consoling in a complete stranger who has no info on you guys whatsoever (that probably sounds better in my head so sorry if that made you uncomfortable) well till next time Zanjam signing off.


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